Fear…

If you really want to understand autistic individuals, the first fact to keep in mind is that the primary emotional response of autistic individuals is “fear”. Fear creates catastrophism in autistic people and manifests itself in very different ways in different individuals. For example, some may be very irritable at once, while others may freeze.

For example, when I am yelled at when I am blamed, even if I am right, or in very tense situations, my first reaction is usually to freeze. It’s as if all my words have been lost, and my brain has emptied. I stay like I’m stuck there. I can’t respond when I am frozen. I suddenly become mute. Sometimes this freezing reaction is followed by my desire to run away. Sometimes this feeling is so intense that I want to escape from that environment and where I live, from this world. The desire to leave everything and disappear in a moment. Even if rarely, if the other party continues to shout or accuse me while I am in this freezing reaction. This time, an anger that I can’t control suddenly takes over me. This anger can sometimes lead me to punch the walls, sometimes the tables and unfortunately, sometimes to hurting myself. At that moment, it was almost impossible for me to control myself. Recently, however, I’ve discovered that when anger takes over, if someone I truly trust hugs me tightly, I can control the intense violence of rage.

For individuals with autism, feeling safe is the most essential and indispensable condition for their mental and physical health. For this reason, trying to stop the behaviours that autistic people do to calm themselves, to feel safe, such as hands, flapping, swaying, leg waving, holding or holding an object, and talking loudly to themselves, means taking away their sense of confidence. What harm is there in the other person clapping their hands, shaking their legs, talking loudly to themselves? Why spend tons of time and money trying to fix them?

I am one of those autistic people who talk to themselves; sometimes, I lose myself so much in those conversations that my son makes fun of me, saying, “Mom, how many people are you talking to today”…

Please remember, the prevailing emotion in people with autism is not to be confident. Finding a physically and psychologically safe place for us is an almost never-ending struggle… And believe me, this anxiety and this struggle sometimes govern all our behaviours and perceptions. Therefore, if you want autistic children to be happy, peaceful and calm, do not try to change their behaviour to feel safe!. Instead, prepare an environment where they can understand them and feel safe.