Understand Me…

How to get to know a new person before starting a relationship. Do we need to learn this person’s past? If we learn their past, do we understand all of the situations and circumstances this person has been through? 

Our past experiences affect all of us, but how? Some people never let go of their past, and the past controls them. Some people learn a lot, and their past does not affect their present. Some people have been through significant trauma and chose to use their pain to control others… So how can we understand how the past affects the other person? And do we know how our history affects us? It’s a well-trodden path to project all our pain onto other people. It’s hard to see ourselves with honesty. Often it’s not clear what we are seeing in the other person’s eyes. Do we really see who they are, or do we see who we are?

Is it really possible for two people to truly understand each other? We may think we do, but when circumstances change we realise there were gaps in our understanding.  Do we really understand ourselves, or can we only discover that through others?  Do we need someone to hide behind? 

If someone understands our pain, we think they understand us, but do they?  If we don’t know ourselves, how does the other person know or understand us? Are we always cheating ourselves and others about relationships? Is the relationship really about sharing, or is it all about the expectation of healing our wounds and receiving the love that we never gave ourselves… If we don’t know who we really are, is it possible for others to understand and know us?…